The kids are starting a new chapter
There is something about back-to-school season that has always felt like a fresh start.
For years, this time of year meant school calendars, activities, schedules, shopping, move-ins, and all the other details that come with raising children. So much of the rhythm of family life revolved around what the kids were doing next.
And then, one day, back-to-school season looks very different. This year, one of my daughters has graduated from college and started her first full-time post-grad job. No back-to-school excitement for her (and I mean that jokingly because it was never exciting from her point of view)! My other daughter is spending the semester studying abroad in Paris. Our conversations often unfold across time zones- one of us sending messages while the other sleeps and waking up to find a little piece of the other’s day waiting.
I am incredibly proud of both of them. Watching your children become independent adults, pursue opportunities, and build lives of their own is one of the great privileges of being a parent. But it can also be bittersweet. Because while their lives are expanding in exciting new directions, our lives as mothers are changing, too.
When Motherhood Changes
Becoming an empty nester doesn't mean that motherhood ends. Far from it. But the day-to-day role can change dramatically. The children who once needed rides, meals, reminders, advice, and your constant presence gradually need you in very different ways. There can suddenly be more space in your schedule- and sometimes more space in your mind.
For some women, that freedom feels wonderful. For others, it can bring sadness, uncertainty, loneliness, or a surprising sense of loss. And for many of us, it's a little bit of everything. There is no single “right” way to feel about an empty nest. You can be enormously proud of your children and miss them at the same time. You can enjoy your newfound freedom while also wondering who you are in this new stage. Those feelings can exist together.
The Question That Comes Next
When so much of your life has been organized around raising a family, a quieter house can create room for questions you may not have had much time to consider:
What do I want now?
What parts of myself would I like to rediscover?
How do I want to take care of my health?
What relationships do I want to nurture?
What would I like to learn or experience?
What gives my life meaning and purpose at this stage?
And perhaps the biggest one:
Who am I becoming now?
Psychology tells us that our identities aren't static. They continue to develop throughout adulthood as our roles, relationships, experiences, and priorities change. The empty-nest years can be one of those opportunities for growth.
Turning Some of Your Attention Back Toward You
For years, many mothers become exceptionally good at noticing what everyone else needs.
Is everyone fed?
Who needs to be where?
Who is struggling?
Who needs encouragement?
What's happening at school?
What needs to get done?
When those demands lessen, it can feel strange to ask a different question:
What do I need?
Maybe you've been meaning to take better care of your physical health. Maybe you'd like to reconnect with your spouse or friendships. Maybe there are interests you put aside years ago. Maybe you want to travel, learn something new, volunteer, change careers, start a business, or find a new sense of purpose. Or maybe you don't know what you want yet. That's okay, too.
You don't need to immediately fill every empty space with another accomplishment. This doesn't have to become another stage of life in which you pressure yourself to do more. It can simply be an opportunity to become more intentional about how you want to live.
From Empty Nesting to Flourishing
One of the things I love about the science of human flourishing is that it encourages us to think about well-being much more broadly than simply being physically healthy. A fulfilling life can include meaningful relationships, engagement, purpose, positive experiences, accomplishment, personal growth, and taking care of our bodies and minds. That means this stage isn't only about adjusting to having children leave home. It can also be about creating the conditions for your own flourishing.
What makes you feel engaged and alive?
Who do you want to spend more time with?
What gives you a sense of meaning?
What would you like to become better at?
What experiences are you curious about?
What does taking care of yourself look like now?
You don't need perfect answers. The questions themselves can be valuable.
You Don't Have to Have the Next Chapter Figured Out
This is also where health and wellness coaching can be helpful. Coaching isn't about someone else deciding what your life should look like or handing you another list of things you “should” be doing. It's a collaborative space to slow down, explore what matters to you, clarify what you want, identify your strengths and resources, and begin taking realistic steps toward the life you want to create.
And that can include much more than nutrition or exercise.
Health and well-being are connected to how we spend our time, our relationships, our sense of purpose, our daily habits, our environment, and whether our lives feel aligned with what matters to us.
Sometimes the first step isn't setting a goal. Sometimes it's simply asking: What do I want this next chapter to be about?
I'm asking myself some of these same questions.
As I watch one daughter begin her professional life and another explore Paris, I'm reminded that their growing independence isn't only the beginning of something new for them. It's a new season for me, too. And although there's certainly some sadness in leaving earlier chapters behind, there is also excitement in realizing how much life there still is to create.
Our children get to grow, change, explore, and become.
So do we.
If you're entering the empty-nest years- or you've been there for a while and are ready to focus more intentionally on your own health, well-being, purpose, and goals- Serenta Wellness offers 1:1 and group Health & Wellness Coaching to help you explore what you want your next chapter to look like.
Your kids aren't the only ones allowed to have a fresh start!
Learn more about 1:1 Health & Wellness Coaching at Serenta Wellness.